RSS FeedsIt's human nature to disagree with another. How a person resolves that disagreement is what can be troublesome. Domestic violence is resorted to by some individuals, because they haven't had success in any way other than hitting or threatening.
 Justice of the Peace Mary Helen Maley, right, is the founder of Constructing Circles of Peace, an alternative way to reduce violent behavior in homes. Joyce Hubbard, left, a public health nurse consultant, says the circles are not about placing blame, but they are about accountability of the actions by the offender. |
For thousands of years, peacemaking circles were used by indigenous people all over the world. Community members would discuss a problem and come to a consensus on how to resolve it.
And for the past 18 months in Santa Cruz County, peacemaking circles have provided a new and valued option for couples grappling with the dismal effects of domestic violence.
Rosalba Mada, a counselor, said that through circles of peace, "people say they are 'learning to fight fair.' They are understanding that physical or verbal violence isn't the best answer."
A community member who volunteers in a peacemaking circle, Pete Cirni, said he likes the program because "it appears to be a viable alternative to anger management."
Individuals learn from those in their circle that there are many non-violent ways to handle disagreements and they begin to use them within their homes.
The Construyendo Circulos de Paz/Constructing Circles of Peace, began here in October 2004 after training programs were held for group leaders and community participants.
Justice of the Peace Mary Helen Maley is the founder of the program, and she brought the author of a book on the subject, Dr. Linda Mills of New York University, to Nogales in May 2004 to talk about the concept.
Mills has since led six training sessions. Three more sessions were led by Minnesota-based experts Kay Pranis and Gwen Chandler-Rhivers.
Maley, a judge for the past 13 years, said, "I was seeing some of the same people again and again" for domestic-violence cases. When the victim was a woman, she often asked if her partner could get counseling, Maley said.
"They still loved their partner, they just didn't want to put up with the violence. Often the partner didn't want to be violent either, but just wanted to have a different method of dealing with the other," she said.
Counseling
required
Under state law, a 26-week counseling program is required for any person who has been convicted of intimate partner domestic violence or for any person who has taken a diversion plea agreement.
The term intimate partner describes spouses or people living together in a relationship and doesn't include domestic violence between a parent and child, between siblings or between other relatives.
Before Construyendo Circulos de Paz, the only counseling was a batterer intervention program, for the person who was charged with domestic violence. The victim wasn't included, nor were relatives or friends.
Constryendo Circulos de Paz takes a different approach, bringing everyone together in a structured but highly supportive atmosphere.
An actual circle of people is developed to assist the person accused of domestic violence. His or her partner (the victim) is invited to join the circle, but that is not required.
The person charged with domestic violence is referred to as the applicant from this point on, Maley said. Both the applicant and the victim can ask a relative or friend to be their support person in the circle.
Mada is the circle keeper and administers the program with help from others. She has a master's degree in education and is an employee of PPEP Inc. (Portable Practical Education Preparation), a Tucson non-profit that provides education and social services to rural areas.
Funded by grant
Maley said, "Through Dr. Mills and the Andrus Family Fund of New York we received a $58,000 grant to hire a master's level therapist to run the circles and to pay rent on an office. We were recently told we have that grant secured for the second year, too."
Mada was hired and an arrangement was made with PPEP to provide the organizational framework
The circle includes one or two trained volunteer community members who are there to be listeners and to suggest ways to deal with anger. The groups range in size from six to 10 members.
Before the circle members gather the first time, Joyce Hubbard, a public health nurse consultant, who works part time for the program, interviews the applicant. Together they develop a written agreement, titled an "initial social compact," that lists what steps the applicant will take to start changing the undesirable behavior.
Maley described what happens next:
"All those people come together at the office to meet. The initial social compact is now examined and re-written with input from the victim if he or she is participating, the support people, and the safety monitor. Now it's called the social compact.
"What's going to be contained in it is decided by consensus. Subsequent sessions start with a 'check in' to see how everyone has been doing during the week. Then you get to the social compact.
"You see if the applicant has done everything the group agreed on. If the applicant didn't, the group decides on what the consequences are going to be. The person could be referred back to the probation officer or to the court, but it's all decided by consensus," Maley said.
Building trust
And since everyone is sitting in a circle, the participants seem to be more comfortable.
Sergio Zamora, a retiree who volunteers as a community member, said that building trust is one of the most important early steps.
"Once we gain that, we are able to communicate better," he said.
Mada has the same feeling. "One of the most significant changes is the way in which (the applicant and the victim) communicate. Initially, there's a lot of tension and mistrust and an amount of resentment towards the other person."
She said the circles offer a "safety area" where they can talk about how they feel about something that has happened at home.
Zamora has observed how important the community volunteers are. "It helps to have someone who has gone through so much in their life" and who can give advice to the applicant, he said.
Another powerful rule is that only one person can talk at a time, so a "talking stick" is passed around.
Maley said, "More than one person has said that the beauty of the circle is the talking stick goes from person to person, and only the one with the stick can speak. If a person has an angry response, they can't voice it until sometime later when it is their turn with the talking stick."
In most situations, the anger dissipates somewhat and other perspectives have been voiced.
Hesitant to ask
for help
Although the purpose of the circles is to help improve the home situation, in many cases the victim and applicant have been very hesitant to come up with the name of a relative or friend who can join them for their own support.
Mada has noticed that "they feel they don't want anybody else involved or knowing."
Maley agreed: "One of the things I've seen about domestic violence is that people don't want to talk about it to their families. So when you have to pick somebody, that's a major leap of faith, to get that person in there who's now going to know what's going on."
At first, the individuals participating in the circles were those appearing as a result of a domestic-violence arrest in the county's Justice of the Peace Precinct 1 court. Now, Nogales City and Santa Cruz County Superior Court cases are included.
3 have finished
Since October 2004, three individuals have completed the 26-week program. There are six groups in progress and several more are in the preparation stage.
Two other batterer-intervention programs, one offered by SEABHS and one offered by PPEP, continue in operation.
Participants say this worthwhile program will succeed in the long term only through continued community involvement. They know a commitment to attend two-hour sessions for 26 weeks isn't made lightly.
"We are looking for more people who are willing to be the community member in the circle," Maley said. "It's a 26-week commitment. But from what I've seen and what people have told me, it's well worth it. You feel so good that you're giving back to the community and it's also very healing for the participants as well because of the way the process works.
"This volunteer aspect of it apparently has a big impact on the participants. They say, 'Wow, somebody cares enough about me and my family that they would take two hours out of their week and meet with us.' By the end, they're like family.
"It's really very powerful," Maley said.
Volunteer Pete Cirni said that he's noticed that it's especially helpful for the applicant to spend time in a circle with a male role model - someone who can give suggestions about how to manage anger.
Cirni said he doesn't criticize anyone. His viewpoint is that "it's the relationship that has to be worked on, it's not his fault and it's not her fault."
What it all comes down to is that "people learn there are better ways of handling your conflicts with your loved ones," Cirni said.
Free training is held several times a year. Volunteer interpreters are also sought to assist in the program. For information, please call (520) 604-6088 or (520) 604-6158.
(Kathleen Vandervoet is a free-lance writer.)
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